The Liberal Democrats have sought to end the political divisions
over the UKs continued membership of the European Union with a
groundbreaking new policy of everybody seceding from everybody else
depending on which way they voted on Brexit.
I heard Nicola Sturgeon banging on about an independent Scotland
staying in the EU because thats what they voted for and thats when
I had this really great idea to solve all our problems, squeaked
Lib Dem leader Tim Farron. I thought, why dont we just let everyone
do that? Everywhere that voted for remain should remain and
everywhere that voted to leave should just leave. Brilliant.
Farrons policy means that although the UK as a whole, including
England, voted to quit, several areas such as the West Midlands
voted to stay and would therefore remain in the EU. However,
Birmingham borough voted to leave, so it would leave the EU,
although in some areas, including Yardley, which voted to remain,
would remain. In Yardley, however, some areas, like Spring Road,
voted to leave, and would be able to leave.
That sounds all right to me, said Beryl Knight, a Spring Road
resident, as long as we at number 47 can stay in. Her sister Nancy,
however, who shares the house, was not happy. I voted leave, she
said, and I do think that ought to include where I live.
Beryl has suggested that since her bedroom is slightly larger,
her preference should prevail and 47 Spring Road should Remain. No,
thats not fair, Nancy argued. Her bedroom is only larger because of
the bay window. Mine is big enough to survive perfectly well, so my
bedroom should leave the EU even if hers doesnt.
Mind you if Beryls cat Tiddles, whose basket is in her bay
window, could choose, hed want to leave.
Im sure he doesnt want a load of unelected Brussels bureacrats
telling him how many hours he can hunt mice or forcing him to allow
all the neighbours cats into our garden. So even if Beryls room
stays in the EU, her bay window should be allowed to leave. We must
respect the democratic views of our cats and, possibly, dogs.
Otherwise, what was the point of the whole referendum? Seriously?
Because we sure as shit arent getting 350m a week for the NHS or
staying in the Single Market. Must be this.
Neither Tiddles nor Tim Farron were willing to offer a comment
yesterday evening, as they had both been called in for their